Cheating and Reality TV

Yeah, people like to call it ‘reality tv’ but the fact is it’s scripted. There is more room for ad-libbing than in a totally scripted show, but when it comes down to it, it follows a script and a pattern. So does an affair.

There are sometimes stand-ins for the participants when things don’t look quite right and have to be re-filmed. At those times, it’s usually a close up of part of a person, like hands. Or a far away crane shot. An affair is much like this, where the affair partners either just look at bits and pieces or look at it from such a distance they can’t see the details that truly make a person recognizable for who they are.

While these shows are going on, it becomes the participants reality. They go through character changes that sometimes make them unrecognizable to their loves ones watching from the outside. They often change their morality to fit the situation, using whatever justification they can come up with. This is just like the funhouse mirror you see when looking at an active wayward spouse.

There’s usually the promise of a prize that is worth all the debasement, conniving and acting they have to do. It is rare that a person gets it, and rarer still that they are happy w/ the reality of the fame and issues that come along w/ the prize. Just like cheaters.

Jem

Where’s the standing ovation?

Everywhere in the news I see adultery and the wages of cheating. It’s always some form of pain.

Even on the recovery boards, there’s debate as to who should shoulder the blame. This clip says exactly what I have been saying all along.

Embedded video from CNN Video

ETA- sorry, CNN seems to have deleted the video.

Time to re-Focus

forewarning- I didn’t bother to be PC in this post.

First, let’s get this straight.  I am Christian.  I belong to a conservative church.  Am I conservative?  Yes and no.  According to conservatives- more no than yes I am guessing.

I was listening to a radio program (which will remain ‘nameless’) today and the hosts were going on and on about voting about gay marriage.  Marriage should be between a man and a woman you see.

Biblical principles aside, as I have yet to see a completely convincing argument, homosexual marriage is hardly the death knell to the traditional family.  Infidelity and its growing acceptance in society (refer to sites such as Ashley Madison) is far more dangerous than the less than 10% (just throwing a number out here) of the population that happens to be queer and also want to get married.

When current estimates put infidelity rates somewhere between 50 and 85%, I believe that reveals a much larger risk to the traditional family.  Infidelity leaves a footprint on the family that is not easily washed away.  Even many experts do not understand the psychology of an affair- and recovery from affairs.  Infidelity carries it’s damage into the next generation.  I would say that most people on the support forums I have visited were children in a house that was affected by infidelity.  How it plays out usually depends on the gender of the wayward parent and the gender of the child.  I wish I could remember the study I once saw quoted, but I am pretty sure a daughter of a betrayed wife is more likely to also be a betrayed wife.  Also, the son of a cheating father is more likely to cheat.  In my case, P.’s father was a serial adulterer.  I recently learned that his mother likely also cheated, if not on P’s father then on the fiance she had after the divorce.  My mother cheated often.  The three times I know about include the final other man, one of my dad’s friends and one of my mom’s friends…yes, a female.

The legacy can be crippling.  There are also real life “Fatal Attraction” scenarios, some to differing degrees.  If you are tempted to cheat, even if you are not the spouse be aware of the high emotions that run through a betrayed spouse after discovery.  Though I am more prone to self harm, at one point I had a vivid vision of confronting the other woman and stabbing her with a screwdriver.  It scared me, but what about the spouses that it motivates?

In geometry a triangle is the strongest shape.  In love, it usually means at least one person is unbalanced.  You are taking a risk when you create that unbalance.  The papers are littered with any person involved in an affair- the other person, the wayward and the betrayed, snapping and committing a crime.

This brings me back to my point.  If we want to protect the family institution, we should legislate the breaking of a marriage contract.  Infidelity increases the occurrences of STDs (after all, your ‘soul mate’ can’t possibly be ‘unclean’ so why use protection?), children born outside of the marriage, emotional abuse (by its very nature affairs are emotional abuse) and divorce.  When we signed our marriage license, we signed a contract and it should be treated as such.

So please, let’s not focus on the fags.  Leave them alone if you want to preserve the image of family.  Go after the infidels…the cheaters.  Those that help a spouse break their vows.  The companies like AM and the ‘alibi’ company that promote it.  This is a much more insidious issue.  It affects Christian couples as much as anyone else.  There is definite harm…and definite strictures against it in the Bible.

My guess is this is such a shameful topic that nobody wants to touch it.  That and politicians, not known for their fidelity, don’t feel the burning desire to pass such brave legislation.

Though, keeping on the course a wayward is on, one is bound to feel something burning eventually.

Slow Fade

I heard this song and thought, “Wow, that sounds like how affairs happen.  It could be any sin though, really.”

Then I looked up the video on YouTube.  And the tears started to fall.  Please note how the father being absent, concentrating on work and the other woman has caused pain for his entire family.  Not just his betrayed wife.  You can tell yourself that what you are doing is not harmful, you are protecting the children.  It’s just not true.  There is always fallout.

From what I understand, the song is featured in the movie Fireproof.

the other woman

Ok, I could go into all of the speculation of what exactly John Edwards was up to and just how much he told Elizabeth when his sh!t hit the media fan and whether that baby is his.  I won’t.  Suffice it to say he’s obviously a self-centered pig, lower than low to not even wait until his terminally ill wife was actually in the grave before he began tom-catting around with some used up, new age party girl.

I will say that he has followed The Script to almost perfection.  Down to a downright manly looking Other Woman.

Why do so many men pick masculine Other Women?  I know of one that bears a striking resemblance to David Spade.
Except she has shorter hair.  And broader shoulders.  Apparently, discolored teeth and a slight mustache also.

I don’t get it.  Maybe women like that are the ones more likely to feel broken enough to accept the ghost of a relationship?

Oh, and here’s a great article that seems to get the closest to what I understand as why (some) men cheat.

I’m keeping this one public all, maybe there will be some discussion.  Or maybe just laughter.

dedicated to my girls

Time for an easy blog.  I just wanted to let the friends (girls and guys) that have been beside me through my ups and downs, crying, laughter and excuses- I appreciate it.  I heard this song today and cried, thinking of ya’ll.  You might want to check out the YouTube link quick, as they are cleaning out the copyrighted stuff 😉

Sorry for the double post for people that read my Blogger blog also.

Destiny’s Child – Girl Lyrics

[Verse 1 Beyonce]

Take A Minute Girl Come Sit Down

And Tell Us What’s Been Happening

In Your Face I Can See The Pain

Don’t You Try To Convince Us That You’re Happy (Yeah)

We’ve Seen This All Before

But He’s Taking Advantage Of Your Passion

Because We’ve Come Too Far

For You To Feel Alone

You Don’t Let Him Walk Over Your Heart

I’m Telling You

[Chorus]

Girl, I Can Tell You’ve Been Crying

And You Needing Somebody To Talk To

Girl, I Can Tell He’s Been Lying

And Pretending That He’s Faithful And He Loves You

Girl, You Don’t Have To Be Hiding

Don’t You Be Ashamed To Say He Hurt You

I’m Your Girl, You’re My Girl, We’re Your Girls

Don’t You To Know That We Love You?

[Verse 2 Kelly]

See What You All Don’t Know About Him

Is I Can’t Let Him Go Because He Needs Me

It Ain’t Really Him It’s Stress From His Job

And I Ain’t Making It Easy

I Know You See Him Bugging On Me Sometimes

But I Know Deep Inside He Don’t Mean It

It Gets Hard Sometimes

But I Need My Man

I Don’t Think Ya’ll Understand

I’m Telling You

[Chorus x2]

[Bridge Michelle]

Girl, Take A Good Look At Yourself

He Got You Going Through Hell

We Ain’t Never Seen You Down Like This

What You Mean You Don’t Need Us To Help?

We Known Each Other Too Well

[Chorus]

[Beyonce:]

Girl I’ve been knowin’ you since you were ten,

you cannot hide from your friends

[Chorus]

Currently listening:
Girl
By Destiny’s Child
Release date: 28 April, 2005