Well, she crapped all over that!

I put this under dreams and supernatural and right now I am feeling like MIL is a supernatural creature. Maybe a Gorgon. I’m vilifying her, I know but right now she’s the recipient of all of my bile.

I was so flattered to be offered the job. I did my best to push my usual self-talk aside (like, he wants an in to the homeschooling community, it’s not that I impressed him).

MIL called yesterday, like she ALWAYS does on Sundays. First of all she accuses me of sneaking off to Jordan with the kids. That it was lucky she “just happened to call’. BITCH YOU ALWAYS CALL ON SUNDAYS. I knew that and planned on telling you then- as I don’t really want to bother talking to you more than I have to.

Then, because I know she likes to brag to her family, I told her of the job offer. The crux of her response was that it would be nice if I contributed to the family. I mentioned the homeschooling taking up much time, she just repeated herself.

I know she means monetary contributions, but it’s upsetting nevertheless. If we have money issues it’s due to her son’s spending- which he learned from her. He makes good money. We should never have to worry, but we do. My working wouldn’t fix anything, it would just give him more to spend. Even if it goes into my sole account, that saved money ends up being the slush fund. When it’s supposed to be my ‘visit MY family and safety’ money.

So, today, between feeling lately like some household object nobody notices and what MIL said, it has really gotten to me. I’ve been upset lately about all these trips and the classes MrJJ has taken when I feel like he should have focused on my healing this past two years. Instead, I am constantly on the back burner, no matter how lovingly. Even MIL looks at me like that, I now know.

MrJJ says he’s renewing everything with this trip. That he’s realized how much I have waited. Now though, I just feel like if I don’t matter why am I even trying? I keep waiting for the BIG thing, the one action that says I am going in the right direction. And I just keep getting lots of little potholes.


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