home, ring, fun, pinned

Dumb title. I can’t even think of what to call this.  Update is so boring.

Went to pick MrJJ up Saturday afternoon.  I forgot we’d have to wait, so we wandered the airport a bit and I bought the kids some soup. When we finished, we walked back and met MrJJ halfway there.  He had gotten out of customs more quickly than expected and was on his way to a pay phone to call me.  It was good we met him as I forgot my cell phone at home.

It was nice seeing him, but I didn’t feel a rush of emotion.  I guess I have been doing good at the pushing away.

We went to the City Park that evening.  We walked, fed the ducks and watched the kids play.  Before we went to the park, MrJJ insisted we stop by our church.  He gave me a replacement ring.  I’ve posted about this before.  A couple of months before the affair began, my diamond fell out.  We picked a replacement to save up for, which P. in his ‘affair delusions’ sent Harlot a link to as a ‘joke’ promising it to her in a couple of years.  So after everything, we picked out another, I wasn’t totally happy with it as the style was a bit of a trigger.

While MrJJ was in Jordan, he had a custom ring made.  It was a combination of the two rings we liked best- waves and stars.  We had decided no more diamonds, and chose a sapphire, MrJJ picked out a beautiful one for this ring.  He was also going to skip the accent diamond, but the jeweler showed him the conflict-free paperwork.

MrJJ got down on his knee and put the ring on my finger in front of our church.  He told me that this is how it should have been done 14 years ago.  Interestingly enough, they misunderstood P. and put 13 diamonds and the one sapphire for a total of 14 gems when he wanted 14 diamonds.  I told him that the 13 diamonds can stand for the 13yrs.  Shortly after our 13th anniversary, we began again.  Let’s pray the symbolism of the sapphire holds true: truth and fidelity.

On Saturday, MrJJ wanted to go to breakfast. Somewhere with ‘pork products’ because he has missed the taste of sausages and bacon in the past three months.  We were too late to eat before church, so we decided to go to the second service.  We ate breakfast, pick a prescription up from Target, went to church.  Our church had a car show this Sunday, so everyone was out and about and welcoming MrJJ back. One of the praise singers had been in our Crown Financial class and told him, “I almost gave you a shout out.”  We then did our usual Sunday ritual of hanging in the book store.

Our night at home was quiet.  We got up the next day and drove to Kings Dominion.  I was leery about spending the money, but MrJJ really wanted to create memories for the kids.

We had a blast.  Silly Son is our cautious one, but even he managed to get into the thrill of some of the rides.  He’s tall enough to ride some of the moderate rides now.  Sweet Daughter has always been our firecracker. She couldn’t get enough of the ‘thrill’ rides.  There was a little wooden roller coaster in the kiddie area.  She would have ridden it all day if she could.

I was actually able to remember our younger years going to an amusement park without feeling like I had been blind the whole time, married to a man who didn’t really love me.  The past isn’t as tainted as it once was.

After the long, late day on Monday, we started Tuesday slow.  MrJJ had brought back a phone given to him for work while he was in Jordan.  It turns out it didn’t work here in the US even w/ his SIM card.  While he was out giving the dog a bath, I looked through the phone.  Without a SIM card, there was very little.  There were pictures of a glass of wine and a woman.  There were texts:
It’s me, Anotherwoman.
MrJJ.  You’re a pimp.
You gonna ask that lil’ hottie to dinner?
You forget your promises.
Quit acting like I’m a skank.

There were also texts in Arabic.

I went outside, asked MrJJ when the phone was given to him.  The middle of June he says.  The pics and texts that upset me were dated June 21st and after.  I gave him that new ring and the phone and said we’re getting a divorce.

He ran upstairs to talk to me.  The picture of the woman, his roommate took and sent to someone as a joke (it was a woman at an outside table).  The pimp and hottie texts were from a Marine that guarded the embassy and MrJJ joked around with. Anotherwoman was the Marine’s GF and the ‘promise’ he forgot was to stop teasing her about her skank behavior.

I told him, those are the type of lies I read over and over again at SI.  I do believe him though.  He has changed even more since he left.  I cannot express the ways he’s changed.  Just even how he deals with conflict has totally been turned on his head.

I told him that if we were truly to be life partners, then he needs to be brave enough to tell people that he doesn’t joke about something as serious as our marriage.  That I didn’t care if Anotherwoman had a boyfriend, Sorry was my friend and married to MrJJ’s friend and yet they still had an affair.  There is no texting w/ a woman, no matter how innocent.  He tells me these things.  While he was gone one of his friends sent him a text message.  I replied, letting HawaiiBud. know MrJJ was gone for 3mos.  HawaiiBud replied and sent a care package for us.  I sent thank you texts.  He sent a Happy Mother’s Day text.  I kept all the texts and appraised MrJJ of them.  I expect the same.

MrJJ understands now.  He’s learned just where my boundaries are and hopefully has established his own.

What I learned is that yes, another affair would hurt me.  Incredibly.  I would also be able to hold to my promise and walk out as soon as I had definitive proof.  That my beautiful ring is also an insurance policy.  Even if my savings account isn’t where I want it to be to feel safe, I have this tiny little circle of white gold, diamonds and a sapphire.

We spent the day chilling w/ the kids, taking a walk and letting them run around, hoping they’d get tired out.

After dinner, we tried to jump start my car (a whole other issue).  That failed, so we tried to push the car back into the garage.  Things got out of control and I ended up pinned between the two cars. I’m only bruised, I managed to get out for the most part on my own, my clothes were pinned.  Our neighbors helped move the cars.

Those moments were scary.  I wasn’t really afraid of dying.  MrJJ’s cry of my name was so heartrending.  I’m ok, bruised and sore but ok.

The change in MrJJ came through more than ever.  Usually, he’s one to rank those possessions right up there.  Once finding out I was ok, he would have gotten angry and started whining about ‘you can’t have anything.’  He didn’t, not at all.

So now we have two cars to fix, MrJJ’s fender, my battery and the window motors that were originally screwed up.

I hope we have some quiet days from here on out.  Though MrJJ informed me that the Afghanistan deal was offered.  Two months there, two months home for a year.  His two months home he would not have to go to work at all.  Frankly, it’s tempting.  I would want to sell my car and go to a one car family for that year.  Save some gas and insurance.  The pay would be really good.  But again, two months apart when we are still struggling to recover from the affair.  It’s a risk.

It might be better to see how serious they are about sending us to Switzerland for 1yr-18mos.

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