They’re Crying

I had to hold both the kids this morning.  They were crying for Daddy.  Well, Silly Son started and Sweet Daughter followed suit.  It’s happened on and off in the week since MrJJ left.

As much as it makes me feel awful for them, it’s a good thing.

You see, there was no crying when Daddy left for Iraq last year.  I was amazed.  None.  He was such a non-presence in their life for so long there was nothing to miss.  And right before he left, he had basically abandoned the family and just spent the night.

So crying is a good, if painful thing.

MrJJ wrote this morning, saying this will be his last extended trip.  He misses the family too much.  He wants us to go visit in June.  I looked up the tickets, it’s around $2K after taxes…per person.  I’d love to go.  To be a family again, just a bit sooner.  To travel again.  But it’s just not doable for a family on one income that doesn’t use any credit.

Me?  It’s a year later and I am still trying to sort out my confused feelings.  This Friday and Saturday was really hard, I nearly just broke down.  Everyone keeps saying, “You’re strong.  You’re good.”  I don’t feel it.  I feel weak.  I feel like I am wearing a ‘good facade’.

But I keep trying.  I guess that’s the point.

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