If I were to write a Christmas Newsletter

In this time of Holiday newsletters, I started thinking about what I would write in a letter.

In the new days of 2006, Silly Son was going into the second half of his first year of school. Sweet Daughter was well into her active toddlerhood. MrJJ was working hard, as he always does. I was trying to hold it all together through long hours alone and thinking I was doing a good job in spite of my depression.

Early on, MrJJ found some homes in the next state we could afford. Sick of the falling apart rental, I agreed to go look. These homes were so far away, but supposedly the commute was the same for MrJJ. I had misgivings, but agreed when MrJJ promised to go to work early enough to get off by 3-4pm.

Thus we started the dance that is new home buying and moving. By May, we found ourselves caught in a choke-hold because mortgage and rent were both due. It didn’t let up until after July. Not an auspicious beginning to our move.

We limped through the summer, adjusting to life in a new town. There was always so much work MrJJ wasn’t home early as promised. Silly Son started a new school year. There was an issue with a bully and a confrontation with his teacher. By early October things had been sorted out. Silly Son was doing so well, his teacher couldn’t say enough nice things.

At home, things were sliding downhill. I noticed MrJJ wouldn’t respond to my affection and asked him about it. In a series of emails on Sept 25th, he pushed for divorce. I asked if there was someone else, the answer was no.

Things, not just the marriage, hit bottom for me before I decided to be proactive and change. It was in the middle of a wonderful weekend, where I felt so loved and content that I discovered proof of what I had suspected all along. Emails written that beautiful Sunday morning, back and forth between him and ‘Harlot’.

The struggles since that first weekend in December have been hard. There is no answer to where we are going in the new year. I am literally heartsick. It’s hard to go forward when you don’t know what direction that is.
Currently listening:
Where Are You Christmas ?
By Faith Hill
Release date: 11 December, 2000

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