Informal Poll

Any response and insight is appreciated.  M.- I know your response, but feel free to 2X4 me again.

I have been debating contacting Harlot’s soon-to-be-ex.  Supposedly they were separated before the affair started, but in at least one of Harlot’s emails, she mentioned that MrJJ was the first one to put striking out on her own in terms of strength.  MrJJ says actually, he said that, but told her to try to fix her marriage first, if that doesn’t work, it’s not weak to leave.  Whatever.  It means I can’t know for sure.  I suspect that she moved out in time to start the sex part, but that’s just details, KWIM?

I have an email drafted, giving dates but little other info.

So, the advantages to telling him are:
-Getting rid of the guilt for not telling him.
– Finally, someone in her life knows what she did.
– He gets to fairly decide how much to give her in a divorce.

Disadvantages:
– If he decides to be vengeful, the kids can suffer.  MrJJ can too, but he brought it on himself.
– It brings her back into our lives when she has been totally gone since March.
– It might turn an amicable divorce bitter.
– That I might be doing it out of revenge and regret it later if it bites me in the ass (ie- he goes after MrJJ’s job and we suffer).

Some factors:  She’s getting ready to be out of the country for three weeks and the divorce should be final by the time she gets back.

So, knock some sense into me either way.  Pretty much everyone at SI always says tell the betrayed spouse.  This though is on the edge for me.  If they were still married, I’d tell, no hesitation.

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