Non-answer Answer

I haven’t had much time online, as my computer has been sent off to be fixed and MrJJ’s is on an unsecured network.  For some reason it won’t connect to ours and I don’t feel like spending another day on the phone with Linksys to find out why.

But I decided today that I needed to reply to Harlot’s Dear John letter. Since I obviously can’t send it to her, I wanted to share it here. The bold parts are my replies. Oh, Dr. H is the therapist that Harlot was seeing prior to the affair and MrJJ went to see. Dr. H encouraged both of them to have the affair to ‘explore [their] happiness.’

I’m sure you guys understand how badly I want to send this off, but I know it will not have the desired effect, so there’s no reason to even bother. I did ask MrJJ to write his own email response to her, as though he was going to send it. I’ll probably share this with him after I see his response. I want to lay this puppy to rest. I just don’t get why a supposedly intelligent woman could believe all these lies about him ‘still loving her’ and me making him miserable when, at the point the letter was sent, he hadn’t contacted her in two months and had just sent a No Contact letter. It makes me question whether MrJJ really did stop contact when I know he did. It’s just either delusions or her trying to make me get pissed and leave. Or both.

Maybe it’s pathetic, but to me it felt witty and strong and flippant 😉
MrJJ,

I’m sorry to have to spam you, but I need to tell you what’s on my mind and I’m afraid I can’t wait until you are home and free to meet with me (which I recognize could be quite a long time, if ever).


Bullshit, you’re spamming him to all his emails in the hopes that I will read this and go apeshit and kick him out once and for all. You think I don’t know you two kept the affair going, and you are writing this as though it’s still happening to get to me…or delude yourself. The thing you don’t know, is I know everything. Yup, this dumbass housewife was able to find evidence of his cheating all the way from DC to Iraq. How you like me now?

As you probably guessed, I was planning to break things off when you returned and had been thinking about it for a couple of weeks.

Really? I suppose it has nothing to do with the fact you haven’t heard from him in two months?

I had hoped that Jem’s obsession with me would diminish, instead of increase, while you were away, but I guess I was wrong.

What do you classify as obsession bitch? That I want to know who the person (you are not a woman, women are mature and have morals and standards. You’re like a teenager that feels she’s entitled to whatever) that was fucking my husband and planning on spending time with my kids was all about? Honey, if I was truly obsessed, I have the power to make your life misery.

I had already thought about what I would say to you when Jem sent her email to me, but that certainly confirmed that I was making the right decision. I am not interested in competing with her.

Competing? You think this is a competition? Funny, I thought it was about my marriage and your foray into the nasty, seedy world of ADULTERY. Sorry I missed the competition memo.

Her increased obsession with me and the lengths she is willing to go to make both of our lives (but especially yours) difficult have made me extremely stressed and frankly, sad, because I know that you deserve to have peace and be free of guilt.

Again, two months of no contact. You are either delusional or you are dramatic. Could be both. What do the voices tell you? Where the fuck do you get off acting like I am the one with the problem when I am the victim?

Neither one of you should have to atone for your sins over and over—you should just learn from them and move forward. (Believe me—I’m never having another affair!)

Hand out marital advice when you have a marriage that lasts, ‘kay? As for never having another affair, I know I shouldn’t but I hope like hell you get cheated on so you can get off your fucking high horse and crumple to the ground with the debilitating pain that is being a betrayed spouse.

I know that you love me, you love your children, and you even love your wife.

Interesting that you put yourself first, even before the kids. And “even” love your wife. Ok. Oh- and he doesn’t love you, never did. An affair is a fantasy, not reality. It’s a complex set of psychological needs and delusions. You are obviously still in it. Pathetic after two months without word from him, but there you have it.

What I have always wanted for you is for you to find the strength to make yourself happy, even if that meant leaving me behind.

Uh huh, and that’s why when he tried to break it off a few times, you talked him back into it every time? That’s why you had an abortion when he asked you not to? For his happiness? Bitch, you have a warped view of happiness.

I know that we would never be happy together if we weren’t both happy apart and that is why I’ve pushed you to make informed and thoughtful decisions about your life. That is also why I wouldn’t give you an ultimatum, because I knew that you had to make that decision on your own terms.

No, you wouldn’t give an ultimatum because you knew he would pick me. Since you seem to think this is a competition, of course you wouldn’t want to force his hand at a time when I would ‘win’. Guess what, I gave ultimatums and I’m fucking proud of it. Why? Because I am a strong, proud woman who is too good to share her husband. If he couldn’t get that, damn straight I told him to fucking leave if he couldn’t be faithful.

But I also knew that you probably would never break up with me, even as you were probably never going to leave Jem. So, since I think you don’t want to do it, I will, which will hopefully make everyone’s lives easier.

The martyr! Oh, how absolutely Joan of Arc of you. Oh we are so grateful, our family will create an altar in your honor. Cross my heart.

Oh wait, he did leave you. Didn’t bother contacting you for two months prior to this letter and sent an official “No Contact” letter to you…when? Oh, the day you sent this one. Funny timing that. Must have crossed in cyberspace right, his request to never hear from you again and this letter proclaiming your love, my obsession and his devotion? Um, and just happened to send to every email address of his, even the one you knew I had access too. No manipulation there, right?

To be honest, I still don’t regret anything we did.


Too bad he regrets everything and now considers it one of the biggest mistakes in his life. Why? Because he might lose me over it. You know, the woman he has been with since he was 18, the mother of his children. The love that lives in reality, not fantasy. Oh, and the one he can get it up for. FWIW- as understanding as you were about his problems maintaining an erection- it was you, because he never had or has that problem with me. Even when we have daily sex. That’s all right, the sucks to be you and sexually undesirable can just go on the martyr pile with the rest of your issues. Talk to Dr. H about it, I’m sure she’ll verbally masturbate you until you feel better.

You showed me what it meant to be in love and gave me the courage to leave [my husband].

Again, not real love, just a fantasy. And If I were like you and didn’t consider the repercussions of my actions, I’d email [your husband] so he knew what he’s dealing with as you both go through the divorce process.Just because you left before the affair started doesn’t mean this had nothing to do with the divorce. The timing is too screwy.

I was thinking this morning that that was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I am so glad I was able to do it. Even as I knew you wouldn’t leave Jem, I hoped that she too would find the strength to leave you and find happiness for herself, just as I have done.

I have left him, tried over and over. He’s the one that keeps coming back. But we’ll keep that our little secret from your martyr personality….wouldn’t want you to feel badly about yourself and the reprehensible things you have done.

To me, that’s the true irony–she seems to believe that I’m an evil person who destroyed her family, but in my heart all I want is for her to be happy and strong, because I know that she will then be a better person, mother, and spouse, and you and your children will be the prime beneficiaries of her happiness.

Nope, not evil. Just moral-free, delusional, stupid, bland…need me to go on? Oh, and my family would have to go to greater depths before we would be ruined by you. I am a strong woman, my kids are awesome, loving people- in part because of my mothering. So whether we are an intact family or one that lives in two homes…we will NOT be destroyed. As for all you want for me…well, fucking my husband, killing his child and not letting go of him was a sure way to help me accomplish that. Did this method come from the ‘Dr. H School of Wackado-Wackadon’t Therapy’?
I also know that only she can make that happen, so I’ll at least make it easier for her to focus on herself, instead of me, by getting out of the picture.

Yeah, it’s all about you.

Wait, it’s all about the fucking affair itself and our marriage. You just happened to be a player. He always said if it wasn’t you it would have been someone else. You’re nothing special. Add that knowledge to the martyr pile.

Please take care of yourself….talk to Dr. H or whomever, but don’t let yourself live with all this guilt.

I love my husband, but he does need to have guilt. He did a very bad thing. A thing that will have repercussions through our family for years. It’s what he does with that guilt that matters dumbshit, not whether he has it. As for talking to Dr. H- glad you’re paying good money to go to a therapist that encourages you in your delusions, but MrJJ has gotten smarter than that. BTW- you might have to start looking for a new person to diddle your ego, as I will do my best to get that bitch’s license to counsel revoked.

You are only responsible for making yourself the best person you can be and knowing that you’ve done all you can to raise your children into confident, healthy adults.

I thought you were educated? Guess not, because that was a fucking stupid statement. Well, one that reeks of someone who never got past the adolescent paradigm of “It’s all about me”.

You can’t even control how that will turn out, but you are absolutely not responsible for Jem and certainly not for me.

Um, gag. As if he fucking cares about you. As if I need him to take care of me at this point. Step off bitch, step fast and step far, we don’t need your brand of crazy around us.

Love always,
H.

The Harlot. No matter what you say, that’s what you are. Having an affair with a married man, claiming no regrets, wanting to continue it…hallmarks of harlotry dear.

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