the times, the are a’changing?

Being in Iraq has actually helped MrJJ and I communicate better.  We have to clarify what we are saying. If I say something, and he replies- yet his reply is off the mark from what I am saying, instead of jumping from the reply, I go back and clarify.  After all, there’s no sense in going off on a tangent if the reply is in the wrong context to begin with, right?  We have limited time to talk and IM, so we don’t have time for those tangents.    MrJJ is slowly beginning to do that also.

Our biggest challenge came in the past few days.  He comes home a week from now, so we are getting details in order.  One of them is getting his car back (ARGH).  His solution was to have her drop it off and he breaks up with her then.  Face to face is the only way he says.  We got in a fight.  I told him that yes, it is the respectful thing to do in a normal relationship, but in an adulterous affair, it is disrespectful to your wife.  He maintained that he would have to occasionally deal with her at work and wanted things to be clearer than an email or letter would be.

We finally had to agree to disagree.  I remembered what our marriage counselor said.  When I try to argue him into my opinion, he sets himself harder the other way.  So I made sure he knew my feelings and dropped it.

He called this morning.  Said, “How about if you pick me up from the airport and we arrange to get my car some other way?”

What?  A compromise?  Because he won’t be able to break it off in person that way.  I have told him in no uncertain terms that as long as there are any ties, I believe this is a three-person marriage, no matter that he hasn’t contacted her.  That we are separated in everything but name.

So we’ll see.  I am just amazed at the slow changes he is making.  If it was all at once, I would question it more.  Believe me, I question it plenty now as it is.  But it being gradual seems more real and sincere.  Now we’ll just see if his actions match up once he is home.


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