Not Getting It

Early in June the diamond fell out of my ring.  I told MrJJ it was a bad sign as this was the second time it happened.  The first time it was still under warranty and they replaced it.  One of the mamas at my mommy board said that it happens frequently with heart shaped diamonds.

I never wanted a diamond, I wanted a simple gold band.  MrJJ picked the heart shaped diamond.

So when this fell out, we began shopping for a new ring.  For years MrJJ has wanted to get me a flashy diamond anniversary band.  When I learned about conflict diamonds in ’96, I refused any new diamonds.  I said if they were antiques, fine.  But nothing that contributed.

So in our shopping, we were sending links back and forth.  Very frustrating as what he wants is flashy and what I want is symbolic.  He’s since explained it to me that he wants the ring to be seen so no guy questions if it’s a wedding ring.  Gee, thanks, mark me?

I’ve been telling him all along that as long as Harlot has the car and he feels he has to put off breaking it off with her because of that, there are three people in our marriage.  No matter he hasn’t called, emailed or even read her emails (I’ve asked him to- something is a bit ‘boil-a-bunny’ when she buys herself flowers, pretends they are from him and sends him the pic telling him about it).  The fact is, by her tooling around in our one paid off asset, we are risking being sued if she gets in an accident.  Screw if she has a ride to work or not.  He’s been her ride to work until he left, she’s going to have to find a new one anyhow.  She decided to live the life she does, time to put on her big girl panties.

So, this morning, I check my email to find that MrJJ has begun ring shopping again.  He picked a nice, plain, conflict free diamond.  He asked, “Are you ready? I am.”  That would normally win big points, but it’s action I want and he still doesn’t get that while she may be ‘out of his mind’ as an affair partner, she’s still a shadow between us until all ties are caught, so nope.  Not ready, not ready at all.  Not to mention he obviously didn’t read my most recent email on the subject where I sent him a link about getting our old rings melted down together and building new rings (therefore avoiding the whole gold mining issue too).  How do I know that? Because in it, I mentioned my new ring size (almost 2 sizes smaller) and in the ‘wishlist’ link he sent me, he chose the old size, which I told him, literally falls off my hand as I have lost about 45 lbs due to this.

So, no he’s not getting it.  And until he does, I’m not getting a ring.  When we got married in college, I took the practical approach.  This time, he owes me all the romance he can work up and it starts with being a completely free man.  You’d think that would be obvious, don’t you?


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