A Talk with my Pastor

Pastor T is one of the pastors in my church.  His specialty is relationships.  He also has a secular license.  We talked at the beginning of when the A came to light and just caught up today.

I suppose when I say that he gave me the name of a good divorce atty you will guess where the conversation headed.  Basically, MrJJ isn’t showing any of the signs we would need to see for reconciliation.  I may see small things here and there, but it really isn’t enough.  I can hold out hope as long as I want to, but the fact is unless something drastic happens to change MrJJ’s attitude, nothing will change.

He may or may not be contacting Harlot, but that doesn’t matter as long as he is holding onto feelings for her.  Not only that, but refusing to look inside himself for change.  Right now he is focused on my change.  Almost as if he’s avoiding looking at himself.

For instance, yesterday we had a chat online and when we discussed money, instead of looking at how he spends and how we can change our priorities as a family, he insisted the ONLY answer was me getting a job.  It is ridiculous for someone earning what he does to think we need a second income rather than cut down on spending.  If I go back to work and the spending remains the same then I’ll feel like the kids are in childcare for things instead of family. He just won’t see that, none of my concerns are ever valid.

The last thing Pastor T and I talked about was resources.  He’s helping me find childcare and a support group, or just someone to talk to…reaching out to you all is good, but nothing replaces being around someone face to face.

The good news (apparently) is that in this state they take adultery more seriously than MrJJ thinks they do.  Good thing I have the proof. They also provide not only child support, but alimony since I have been home with the kids for so long.  Never would I have thought I would take that, but at this point…


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