The Fisher King

Wikipedia has a bit of a different take on it than I remember from my studies but it will give you an idea of what I am talking about.  I do find it interesting the connections the entry draws with “fishers of men” and the legend.  Also, the French words for “fisher” and “sinner” being so close.

I was thinking about the legend (as I remembered from my lit classes in college).  It was about a king, wounded, sometimes legend has it by his own weapon.  As the wound refuses to heal, his kingdom languishes. We see this allegory in pop culture because it is still very much a part of the human experience.  Being wounded (possibly by your own ‘weapon’) and having the power to heal yourself right there, but not knowing it.  We saw it in the Lion King, where Simba ran off, thinking he had caused his father’s death, leaving his kingdom to Scar and to fall to ruins.  The power to heal was always right there with him.  To either accept his part in it or to just take charge no matter what his guilt was for the good of the kingdom.  Of course, this being Disney. Simba had no guilt.  But in real life, that often isn’t the case.

As I was trying to fall asleep last night, I thought a good place to start was pleasant thoughts.  So I tried to imagine life as it would be ideally, life as what I hoped for when all this started.  MrJJ has indicated, if not outright said he wants to commit to us. In the beginning, that’s all I wanted.  But now, as I tried to imagine it, I knew that it’s not right enough yet.  He has a lot of changing to do to become a worthy companion.

So this morning, I thought- he’s the Fisher King.  His kingdom is fallen to ruins because of his actions.  Not just recently, but over years.  I accepted my guilt.  I reached inside to heal my wounds.  But none of that will make a difference if he isn’t able to heal the wounds that hamper him.  The answer is right there, it just takes the acknowledgment of how how the wound got there and that you have the power to start the healing.  After that, you can enlist all the help you need.  But the first step is the healing starting within.

I don’t know if that will happen with MrJJ in time enough for our family.


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