Tae Me?

Sometimes I feel like my friends are using me for kickboxing practice.  Not intentionally, I know.  But when there is a huge turmoil going on in your life, there are triggers that can just hit you.  I assume anyway that the aftermath of an affair isn’t alone in that respect.

So casual mentions of the tryst hotel being romantic- wham- kicked in the chest, my heart stops for a little, my breath is knocked out.  And it comes back with the same intensity the next thought about it, although it slowly decreases each time.

Casual mentions of other affairs people have had, the name C— bam- not as hard, but still, the trigger is there.

Today it was a friend whose husband works in the same building as P.  She mentioned that when she told him about the affair, he said he had thought so and told her about seeing MrJJ drive up to a restaurant with a woman in the passenger seat of his car a few months ago.  The picture of Harlot is in her inbox awaiting confirmation from him (and maybe an actual time frame) but the kick in the chest arrived first.  On the drive home, the feeling of it being hard to breathe and being on autopilot, reliving that moment all over again, along with his assurances that they only ever went to coffee, he didn’t waste our money on her.  That coworkers had no idea (yeah- he’s an idiot).

As painful as it is, I suppose I’d rather know.  It’s just hard to breathe through it when you feel like the breath has been knocked out of you.


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