The Fear that Leaves Me Gibbery

yes, we’re trying to reconcile, but as long as he thinks he’s in love with Harlot, I thought I’d protect myself by pushing him away. Protect my heart, protect the kids. Only he is insisting on working things out for the sake of our 15yrs together and the kids.

But he says, if it does come down to it, he will take the kids from me as he ‘cannot live without them’. But he has spend so little time with them, even when we are in the same house, while I have devoted my life to them. They are the only reason I got up in the morning in the middle of my depression and the only reason many times that I plod along now.

He says that he will bring my depression and yelling into it. That according to the courts adultery doesn’t matter. But he only sees me at the end of a long day with no help- and he’s giving no help so I am still on my own with him there and I get frustrated and take it out on them…or rather did. These past 2 months I have been working on it.

Poor Silly Son will bear the brunt of a court battle, as he is the only verbal one. How I remember crying as they questioned me about my parents and me begging to have both. I don’t want that happening to him, I don’t want the part of his childhood that believes in Ohana to be ripped from him so young.

But I also don’t want to live with a husband that puts up with me while I love him. No matter if he says he loves me, how can he if he loves her? One of those loves has to be false, right?

Only please, please don’t take my children. Until them, I never knew the infinite power of love.


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