Life’s a Yo-Yo

So am I, I suppose. I woke up this morning realizing that these past days have started me in the process of falling out of love. Divorce surely is inevitable. I keep getting at peace with that.

Then he’s so sweet. Being so kind and gentle, telling me I look pretty in the morning, crying with me when I talk about us being over- the most emotion besides anger he’s shown since it started.

I don’t want to throw away 15yrs he says. But I miss her. I think I love her.

Deep enough to leave us for her no matter how good it is.

So I go back to the process of making myself fall out of love if I can. Not to let these moments get to me. After all, they are only temporary.

Anything can happen he says. But with our history, what is likely to happen is my heart will be broken. Again. And I want to cushion myself from the pain as much as I can.

Then comes cushioning the kids. Imagine knowing a parent loved someone more than you. Because that’s what it has to be if he still loves me as he says he does. he loves her more than all three of us together.

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