maybe baby

[originally posted privately on my MySpace page, I found out later Harlot had access to my regular blog and through that my MS page; she used the knowledge she gleaned from both]

holy fuck
my mind is denying this, there has to be an explanation. my period usually comes on the 22nd or 23rd of every month. it’s still not here, november 2nd. Thinking back, i could have been close to Ov. the last time we had sex…using only pull and pray.

we want just the two kids. i can only handle just the two kids. we can only afford just the two kids.

we might be getting a divorce. he might be leaving me. i might be a single mom. a single pregnant mom. because if i am, i am not telling him until he makes his choice. i don’t want a husband here for obligatory reasons.

it’s like fucking white trash soap opera. the woman gets knocked up to keep her man. thing is, i didn’t. and if it happened, let the records show i mentioned the possibility and he said don’t worry, i mentioned pre-ejaculate, he said no, he didn’t (ok, he’s sounding the the 18yr he was when we first started dating). if he won’t stay for the kids he loves, he better not stay for the kid he doesn’t even know.

well, the good thing about it is i love pregnancy, birth and babyhood. but i am not sure how i will be able to be a single, bfing, bwing attached working mama to three.

update- no worries on this front- just other shit hitting the fan


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